I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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