you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
