I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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