You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
