"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize