Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hotel room ftw
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
two words...techno handjob
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
