I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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