apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
