I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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