You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
