can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
