Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why didn't you poke me back
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.