I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way