I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.