eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
