There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
