I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
