260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
