You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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