Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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