trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
