ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
