apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
