You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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