no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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