i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
