All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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