I got chris browned last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
