I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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