My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
