i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
