u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
