she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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