Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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