now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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