I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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