I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She bit a glass in half.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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