did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
