Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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