Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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