But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
