the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
