Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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