remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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