He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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