you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
