I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize