the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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