i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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