Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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