i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
