i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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