Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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