At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My vagina is officially offended.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
