Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
