Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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