shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
