Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
