nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
