I can text with my tongue
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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