Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
