First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
