what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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