There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
