If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
