Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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