if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
