I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
